Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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