Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
