I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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