Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
