a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
