I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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