i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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