Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
