saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
