Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
