my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
