i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
