Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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