Buhtt sex?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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