Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
