Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
