the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
