bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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