hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
