So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize