I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
