ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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