Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's the barista slut.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
