There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
