Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
