I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
