the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
