I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
