I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
