I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
