Your face is a jimmy john
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
