I feel great
I just peed on a car
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
