there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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