and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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