I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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