Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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