2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They have beer where we have blood.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
