Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
