btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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