She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
