as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
