I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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