They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
