I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
