I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
