he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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