Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
