Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
