You're so nebulous sometimes
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize