hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
