It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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