i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
