i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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