1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
