dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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