clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
a search helicopter?!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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