upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my sisters under your porch take her home
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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