i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
