that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
