what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
