If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you traded sex for a burrito?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
