i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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