i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
