MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
