I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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