what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
