Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
