I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
