Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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