he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
