So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
