So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
