get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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